Question:
My first post was not from someone who hasn't been in that situation, but my hubby told me that he doesn't have any friends that just pop over during the week like they used too. I was like, hello, we are not teenagers anymore people have lives. And we had friends that came over on the weekend anyway, so what was the big deal.
He took it one step further and started looking on the net without telling me, cept I found out by typing his username (that me and my sister had created for him for fun, but hne was using) in the search bar for fun, to see what would come up, and I couldn't believe what I saw, for someone who was just looking for friends, he either had other ideas or was just completely stupid, daft and ignorant, or naive.
I confronted him immediately and asked him to explain, and he said he said he was just looking for friends on these sites, but he had no replies (wonder why ) as he said he was married (um, people who are on these sites DO NOT CARE if you are married or not), so he went as far as to say he was seperated, or married and not happy. I was livid, I can tell you, can you even imagine seeing something like that from your hubby?
Anyway, to kind of cut a long story short, he admitted that he did the wrong thing, blah, blah, blah, and the only reason I came to accept that he was telling the truth is there is no way he would have had the time, or money to even persue such a 'hobby'.
It happened over a year ago, but I still don't fully trust him, but have started losening the reins enough for him to go out with really good family friends like to the cricket, etc.
He fully understands why, and has no complaints about it, and always tells me where he is going at all times. His choice, mind you.
I think he realises what he could of lost, like his family, and kids. All over his stupid, naive and ignorant actions.
Things are going well for us atm, but there is always that trust issue niggling in the background.
Make sure you make your hubby aware of how this is making you feel, and if he is a man about it he will respect your feelings before that of any other feelings regarding a friend, you are his wife, the most important person in the worl to him, or should be. He needs to be making you feel that way too.
Maggie have just finished reading through all the post and everyone has said just about all there is to be said, hope things are working out for you, It sounds to me that between the lines you are ready to move on almost like you have out grown this man, maybe even before he found women friends and didn't even realize to you were put in this situation, which I can't think of any women I know would settle for, and your hubby sure is taking you for some kind of softy if he thinks its OK, It defiantly is not normal, my brother has acted the same way as your hubby and now he has left his wife same age and some amount of years married. I have male friends and my husband has female friends but not in the way your describing your hubby's friendships . hope you do the right thing, think you will be a lt happier, I agree you don't need this crap
Hi Ladies. I haven't read all your posts yet, just got home from work. Had a few hours sleep.maybe 2 last night and struggled at work. He came home at 1.30am. I told him I wanted him to move out - I had written him an email. He read it. He said he had been a total idiot and he did not want us to break up. I explained that I would not live a life wondering if he is falling in love with someone else, wondering how close he is getting, looking at his female friends and wondering if he will be with them oneday and so on. I won't live wondering who he is on the phone to and being suspicious. Its not who I am. He said he would not let the relationship go easily, that I was everything to him, that he was not thinking of me and being selfish and loopy and doesn't know what he was thinking. I was very upset (but together if you know what I mean) and insisted it was over, that there was no going back. I cried so much and eventually fell asleep at about 4am, I can't remember what were even talking about I was so exhausted. He wants to talk more when he gets home.
Well, he can have no doubt as to your reasons for being so upset can he.
He is right tho'.you to have to have a talk and nut this out.
Should the issue resolve itself, and you both decide to try again, remember these points:
1. It will take a very, very long time for you to completely trust him again.we may forgive but we never forget hurt.
2. Couples counselling is an absolute must.
3. Acknowledge his failings but do not allow him to use them as an excuse.
4. Ask yourself if reunion is really what you want.
I'm sure our Ladies will come up with more.
Don't ever let him make it seem like your fault or blame you for his actions.
Hi Maggie, Chin up and follow your instincts. My (EX) had a friend also and he said nothing was going on but now he lives with her and I take care of my son alone. I knew something was going on. She even came to our wedding and I thought I knew her. We were married for 15 years and he just walked off into the sunset. More strength to you.
Yep, that's exactly what I thought he would do. Oh boy Maggie, you are going to have to be strong and follow your instincts and do what you want to do. He is selfish and wants what is best for him but that's not going to be what is best for you. But again it is up to you of course what you decide to do. Good luck Maggie we are all here for you no matter what happens.
Maggie.whew! I have just caught up on all of this. I hope that ya'll have talked more. Just remember that none of this is your fault. AT ALL. You have to do what you have to do but you MUST get counseling if you decide to give him another chance. keep us posted!
Emotional affairs lead to sexual affairs.
Big Hugs
Can you take some time out? Maybe go to a cottage in the country or something so you can have some quiet time and just think? I tend to do that whenever I have big decisions to make. If you have decided for sure that you want to call it quits, don't let him dissuade you if you know that you're doing what you want. Being in a relationship for that long doesn't give him automatic rights to continue it just because he wants to, but that's only my opinion. Hope you keep your chin up.
He took it one step further and started looking on the net without telling me, cept I found out by typing his username (that me and my sister had created for him for fun, but hne was using) in the search bar for fun, to see what would come up, and I couldn't believe what I saw, for someone who was just looking for friends, he either had other ideas or was just completely stupid, daft and ignorant, or naive.
I confronted him immediately and asked him to explain, and he said he said he was just looking for friends on these sites, but he had no replies (wonder why ) as he said he was married (um, people who are on these sites DO NOT CARE if you are married or not), so he went as far as to say he was seperated, or married and not happy. I was livid, I can tell you, can you even imagine seeing something like that from your hubby?
Anyway, to kind of cut a long story short, he admitted that he did the wrong thing, blah, blah, blah, and the only reason I came to accept that he was telling the truth is there is no way he would have had the time, or money to even persue such a 'hobby'.
It happened over a year ago, but I still don't fully trust him, but have started losening the reins enough for him to go out with really good family friends like to the cricket, etc.
He fully understands why, and has no complaints about it, and always tells me where he is going at all times. His choice, mind you.
I think he realises what he could of lost, like his family, and kids. All over his stupid, naive and ignorant actions.
Things are going well for us atm, but there is always that trust issue niggling in the background.
Make sure you make your hubby aware of how this is making you feel, and if he is a man about it he will respect your feelings before that of any other feelings regarding a friend, you are his wife, the most important person in the worl to him, or should be. He needs to be making you feel that way too.
Answer:
Maggie have just finished reading through all the post and everyone has said just about all there is to be said, hope things are working out for you, It sounds to me that between the lines you are ready to move on almost like you have out grown this man, maybe even before he found women friends and didn't even realize to you were put in this situation, which I can't think of any women I know would settle for, and your hubby sure is taking you for some kind of softy if he thinks its OK, It defiantly is not normal, my brother has acted the same way as your hubby and now he has left his wife same age and some amount of years married. I have male friends and my husband has female friends but not in the way your describing your hubby's friendships . hope you do the right thing, think you will be a lt happier, I agree you don't need this crap
Answer:
Hi Ladies. I haven't read all your posts yet, just got home from work. Had a few hours sleep.maybe 2 last night and struggled at work. He came home at 1.30am. I told him I wanted him to move out - I had written him an email. He read it. He said he had been a total idiot and he did not want us to break up. I explained that I would not live a life wondering if he is falling in love with someone else, wondering how close he is getting, looking at his female friends and wondering if he will be with them oneday and so on. I won't live wondering who he is on the phone to and being suspicious. Its not who I am. He said he would not let the relationship go easily, that I was everything to him, that he was not thinking of me and being selfish and loopy and doesn't know what he was thinking. I was very upset (but together if you know what I mean) and insisted it was over, that there was no going back. I cried so much and eventually fell asleep at about 4am, I can't remember what were even talking about I was so exhausted. He wants to talk more when he gets home.
Answer:
Well, he can have no doubt as to your reasons for being so upset can he.
He is right tho'.you to have to have a talk and nut this out.
Should the issue resolve itself, and you both decide to try again, remember these points:
1. It will take a very, very long time for you to completely trust him again.we may forgive but we never forget hurt.
2. Couples counselling is an absolute must.
3. Acknowledge his failings but do not allow him to use them as an excuse.
4. Ask yourself if reunion is really what you want.
I'm sure our Ladies will come up with more.
Answer:
Don't ever let him make it seem like your fault or blame you for his actions.
Answer:
Hi Maggie, Chin up and follow your instincts. My (EX) had a friend also and he said nothing was going on but now he lives with her and I take care of my son alone. I knew something was going on. She even came to our wedding and I thought I knew her. We were married for 15 years and he just walked off into the sunset. More strength to you.
Answer:
Yep, that's exactly what I thought he would do. Oh boy Maggie, you are going to have to be strong and follow your instincts and do what you want to do. He is selfish and wants what is best for him but that's not going to be what is best for you. But again it is up to you of course what you decide to do. Good luck Maggie we are all here for you no matter what happens.
Answer:
Maggie.whew! I have just caught up on all of this. I hope that ya'll have talked more. Just remember that none of this is your fault. AT ALL. You have to do what you have to do but you MUST get counseling if you decide to give him another chance. keep us posted!
Answer:
Emotional affairs lead to sexual affairs.
Big Hugs
Answer:
Can you take some time out? Maybe go to a cottage in the country or something so you can have some quiet time and just think? I tend to do that whenever I have big decisions to make. If you have decided for sure that you want to call it quits, don't let him dissuade you if you know that you're doing what you want. Being in a relationship for that long doesn't give him automatic rights to continue it just because he wants to, but that's only my opinion. Hope you keep your chin up.