Question:
Hi,
My brother and his wife recently had a baby, and we havent visited them yet, long story but, with our last 3 kids, my brother didnt come to the hospital. This upset my husband and I so we thought we would wait a while, then visit them at home. Now his sister has had a baby, should I go? I know this is petty but Im not sure what to do.I know its not his sisters fault but I feel hurt and Im not sure what to do.
Go visit your brother and also go visit your husbands sister. Whatever is going on with your brother has nothing to do with your SIL. I know he's your brother and all but I don't think men think these things are so important as we do. There was probably nothing in it at all (him not coming to the hospital) probably just thought it was easier to wait until you got home.
Some people prefer not to have visitors in hospital, maybe they thought you were doing them a favour? Or maybe your brother just didn't realise it was an important thing for you to have him visit at the time.
My brother - who hasn't got kids - has admitted openly that he finds small babies difficult (too small, intimidating etc) and tends to stay away until they are a bit bigger. That said, he is a fantastic uncle to them once they are older and more interactive. I really doubt he will visit us in hospital once this baby is born - or even at home afterwards for a while. It doesn't really bother me, that's just who he is.
I agree with Denise, I would visit your SIL - it's nothing really to do with her. If you really feel you can't visit, maybe just drop a card and gift off to her home in the next couple of days . it does seem a bit harsh that she is affected by your brother's behaviour.
Years ago, when my brother and his wife were expecting their second child, he took offence at something my father said and refused us access to HIS family. My Mother found out about her second GS after a neighbour who had read the birth notice in the paper, congratulated her.
I will never forget the absolute hurt showing on her face. My brother carried on this feud for another 15 years, the first we knew about his third child was at the eldest's 18th Birthday Party.
Don't let this destroy your family as it did mine, perhaps let your husband know that you will be contacting your SIL, and then phone her to see how her family are going.and ask if she would like you to visit.
Please.petty arguments between adult siblings are really the worst, and it will take a strong person to put history behind and start afresh.
Years ago, when my brother and his wife were expecting their second child, he took offence at something my father said and refused us access to HIS family. My Mother found out about her second GS after a neighbour who had read the birth notice in the paper, congratulated her.
I will never forget the absolute hurt showing on her face. My brother carried on this feud for another 15 years, the first we knew about his third child was at the eldest's 18th Birthday Party.
Don't let this destroy your family as it did mine, perhaps let your husband know that you will be contacting your SIL, and then phone her to see how her family are going.and ask if she would like you to visit.
Please.petty arguments between adult siblings are really the worst, and it will take a strong person to put history behind and start afresh.
Thanks,
Yes this whole thing started like that, my brother didnt 'approve' of my husband, so he refused to visit the hospital. I was in for 10 weeks prior to my 7th childs birth, and it was very hard. Since then, my brother,(after 5 years!) has accepted my husband and weve done christmas etc, very strained between them but manageable, so.now my brothers had their baby and my husband, feeling hurt, wasnt in a hurry to visit, and me to I guess. SIL had a baby yesterday and me and hubby are arguing! He feels Im only suggesting a visit to 'have a go' at him! I dont know!!
I think you should visit both your brother and SIL. If you are trying to mend things with your brother then you dont want to be making a point over something that happened when you were feuding. And if you dont visit your SIL you risk her being as hurt as you and hubby were when your brother didn't visit.
Goodluck
I would visit both life is too short,let bygones be bygones
I feel like I am in the same boat with you. I have a fall out with my eldest brother for half a decade now. Never talk to each other since. Now he is getting married, I thought I should get along with his new wife, no matter how much we have fall out as brother/sister. One day when he is going to have children, I will try to be a best aunt as possible, afterall his children are innocent.
two wrongs don't make a right
My brother and his wife recently had a baby, and we havent visited them yet, long story but, with our last 3 kids, my brother didnt come to the hospital. This upset my husband and I so we thought we would wait a while, then visit them at home. Now his sister has had a baby, should I go? I know this is petty but Im not sure what to do.I know its not his sisters fault but I feel hurt and Im not sure what to do.
Answer:
Go visit your brother and also go visit your husbands sister. Whatever is going on with your brother has nothing to do with your SIL. I know he's your brother and all but I don't think men think these things are so important as we do. There was probably nothing in it at all (him not coming to the hospital) probably just thought it was easier to wait until you got home.
Answer:
Some people prefer not to have visitors in hospital, maybe they thought you were doing them a favour? Or maybe your brother just didn't realise it was an important thing for you to have him visit at the time.
My brother - who hasn't got kids - has admitted openly that he finds small babies difficult (too small, intimidating etc) and tends to stay away until they are a bit bigger. That said, he is a fantastic uncle to them once they are older and more interactive. I really doubt he will visit us in hospital once this baby is born - or even at home afterwards for a while. It doesn't really bother me, that's just who he is.
I agree with Denise, I would visit your SIL - it's nothing really to do with her. If you really feel you can't visit, maybe just drop a card and gift off to her home in the next couple of days . it does seem a bit harsh that she is affected by your brother's behaviour.
Answer:
Years ago, when my brother and his wife were expecting their second child, he took offence at something my father said and refused us access to HIS family. My Mother found out about her second GS after a neighbour who had read the birth notice in the paper, congratulated her.
I will never forget the absolute hurt showing on her face. My brother carried on this feud for another 15 years, the first we knew about his third child was at the eldest's 18th Birthday Party.
Don't let this destroy your family as it did mine, perhaps let your husband know that you will be contacting your SIL, and then phone her to see how her family are going.and ask if she would like you to visit.
Please.petty arguments between adult siblings are really the worst, and it will take a strong person to put history behind and start afresh.
Answer:
Years ago, when my brother and his wife were expecting their second child, he took offence at something my father said and refused us access to HIS family. My Mother found out about her second GS after a neighbour who had read the birth notice in the paper, congratulated her.
I will never forget the absolute hurt showing on her face. My brother carried on this feud for another 15 years, the first we knew about his third child was at the eldest's 18th Birthday Party.
Don't let this destroy your family as it did mine, perhaps let your husband know that you will be contacting your SIL, and then phone her to see how her family are going.and ask if she would like you to visit.
Please.petty arguments between adult siblings are really the worst, and it will take a strong person to put history behind and start afresh.
Thanks,
Yes this whole thing started like that, my brother didnt 'approve' of my husband, so he refused to visit the hospital. I was in for 10 weeks prior to my 7th childs birth, and it was very hard. Since then, my brother,(after 5 years!) has accepted my husband and weve done christmas etc, very strained between them but manageable, so.now my brothers had their baby and my husband, feeling hurt, wasnt in a hurry to visit, and me to I guess. SIL had a baby yesterday and me and hubby are arguing! He feels Im only suggesting a visit to 'have a go' at him! I dont know!!
Answer:
I think you should visit both your brother and SIL. If you are trying to mend things with your brother then you dont want to be making a point over something that happened when you were feuding. And if you dont visit your SIL you risk her being as hurt as you and hubby were when your brother didn't visit.
Goodluck
Answer:
I would visit both life is too short,let bygones be bygones
Answer:
I feel like I am in the same boat with you. I have a fall out with my eldest brother for half a decade now. Never talk to each other since. Now he is getting married, I thought I should get along with his new wife, no matter how much we have fall out as brother/sister. One day when he is going to have children, I will try to be a best aunt as possible, afterall his children are innocent.
Answer:
two wrongs don't make a right