Question:
Would love feedback from anyone who has a partner who doesn't want anymore children and you do.
My partner came to me with a child who had big problems and it is a long story but doesn't live with us. My partner and I have one child together. I would like my little boy to have a brother or sister close to him as I want him to have the same closeness I have with my siblings.
I am craving to have another baby it is almost like I NEED one. My partner and I have disagreements about it all the time.
Is there anyone out there with any ideas or going through the same experience?
Sorry Kristy i am no help at all but I'm sure some of the girls will be able to help you. Good luck
sorry kristy it was the opposite here, he said how about another baby and I was like so now we have 3 ferels and NO more to come.
This is a really hard and sad situation, there really are two sides, why does he not want anymore, is it an emotional thing because of his first born, or a financial thing, or just a matter of he has had enough. I can understand how you are feeling, you really need to sort this out with him as if you give into it and don't have anymore (not your choice) you will regret it for years to come and it will eat away at you and you will end up blaming him for your loss and it is a loss. you seriously need to sit down and hear each others side but better still if you could do it through a councillor's third party not involved
hope you can both work through this and make each other understand what the others feelings and needs are
Most definitely an impartial third party could help you both.you really need to understand his reluctance and your partner must be able to understand your needs.
Until you can both fully relate to each other's concerns, the arguments will continue with foreseeable consequences.
To bring another baby into the world should require a 100% commitment from both parties.
Hi Kristy, you really are in quite a dilemma! My partner and I discussed how many children we wanted early on in our relationship. At first he wanted 2 and I wanted 4. now we both want 3 and we have 1 already.
Ideally both of you sitting down with someone who is trained to deal with this sort of thing would be really beneficial.
Otherwise maybe write a letter to your partner. Something that isn't too confrontational but lets him know your feelings, the reasons for the way you feel and also how deeply important it is to you. MAke sure it is written very calmly and nicely so hopefully he will be able to read it with an open mind and may actually take a bit more in. And if it doesn't make him see things more clearly from your point of view, at least you have gotten it off your chest for a little while Good luck
I agree that talking to a counselor might be the best thing here. They have a way of helping each person see the other person's needs. Perhaps there is some reason he is not able to verbalize to you.
I definitely think that you should work to find common ground here so that your needs are met and so that a child is brought into the world with BOTH parents on board.
Hi all
Your feedback is great.
I have asked him why he doesn't want anymore and he says he is over it. I am not sure what he is over. It isn't like he ever got up of a night or anything for our first child and still doesn't.
There is no way I will ever get him to a councellor to discuss it. He thinks they are all full of rubbish.
More ideas? I like the letter idea. That is a little more his style.
I definently wouldn't bring a little one into the world with out his full committment. That is unfair to the child and him.
Hi Kristy,
How things going with your dilemma?
I had two children by the time I was 30, and didn't want anymore. Was prepared to only have two.
But I got drunk while I was having a break from the pill (as you did in the 70's). And along comes number 3 when I was 33.
My first DD has been a PITA for the last 17 years. My DS is a lovely boy,(takes after his mum.) I am always thankful for my third. God sent me an Angel.
So who knows what the future holds.you are only young.
Cherish the one you have, maybe your DH will change his mind. I don't think a councillor will help if he is a strong thinking man. He might have to wait to see how thing turn out with the one you both have now, before he will relent.
Good Luck.
We'd had two when hubby said, 'No more.' to me, but as I found out sometimes life just happens when you are least expecting it, hopefully that will happen to you sometime soon too!
I was so glad to find out another was on the way And hubby could do nothing about it
My partner came to me with a child who had big problems and it is a long story but doesn't live with us. My partner and I have one child together. I would like my little boy to have a brother or sister close to him as I want him to have the same closeness I have with my siblings.
I am craving to have another baby it is almost like I NEED one. My partner and I have disagreements about it all the time.
Is there anyone out there with any ideas or going through the same experience?
Answer:
Sorry Kristy i am no help at all but I'm sure some of the girls will be able to help you. Good luck
Answer:
sorry kristy it was the opposite here, he said how about another baby and I was like so now we have 3 ferels and NO more to come.
Answer:
This is a really hard and sad situation, there really are two sides, why does he not want anymore, is it an emotional thing because of his first born, or a financial thing, or just a matter of he has had enough. I can understand how you are feeling, you really need to sort this out with him as if you give into it and don't have anymore (not your choice) you will regret it for years to come and it will eat away at you and you will end up blaming him for your loss and it is a loss. you seriously need to sit down and hear each others side but better still if you could do it through a councillor's third party not involved
hope you can both work through this and make each other understand what the others feelings and needs are
Answer:
Most definitely an impartial third party could help you both.you really need to understand his reluctance and your partner must be able to understand your needs.
Until you can both fully relate to each other's concerns, the arguments will continue with foreseeable consequences.
To bring another baby into the world should require a 100% commitment from both parties.
Answer:
Hi Kristy, you really are in quite a dilemma! My partner and I discussed how many children we wanted early on in our relationship. At first he wanted 2 and I wanted 4. now we both want 3 and we have 1 already.
Ideally both of you sitting down with someone who is trained to deal with this sort of thing would be really beneficial.
Otherwise maybe write a letter to your partner. Something that isn't too confrontational but lets him know your feelings, the reasons for the way you feel and also how deeply important it is to you. MAke sure it is written very calmly and nicely so hopefully he will be able to read it with an open mind and may actually take a bit more in. And if it doesn't make him see things more clearly from your point of view, at least you have gotten it off your chest for a little while Good luck
Answer:
I agree that talking to a counselor might be the best thing here. They have a way of helping each person see the other person's needs. Perhaps there is some reason he is not able to verbalize to you.
I definitely think that you should work to find common ground here so that your needs are met and so that a child is brought into the world with BOTH parents on board.
Answer:
Hi all
Your feedback is great.
I have asked him why he doesn't want anymore and he says he is over it. I am not sure what he is over. It isn't like he ever got up of a night or anything for our first child and still doesn't.
There is no way I will ever get him to a councellor to discuss it. He thinks they are all full of rubbish.
More ideas? I like the letter idea. That is a little more his style.
I definently wouldn't bring a little one into the world with out his full committment. That is unfair to the child and him.
Answer:
Hi Kristy,
How things going with your dilemma?
I had two children by the time I was 30, and didn't want anymore. Was prepared to only have two.
But I got drunk while I was having a break from the pill (as you did in the 70's). And along comes number 3 when I was 33.
My first DD has been a PITA for the last 17 years. My DS is a lovely boy,(takes after his mum.) I am always thankful for my third. God sent me an Angel.
So who knows what the future holds.you are only young.
Cherish the one you have, maybe your DH will change his mind. I don't think a councillor will help if he is a strong thinking man. He might have to wait to see how thing turn out with the one you both have now, before he will relent.
Good Luck.
Answer:
We'd had two when hubby said, 'No more.' to me, but as I found out sometimes life just happens when you are least expecting it, hopefully that will happen to you sometime soon too!
I was so glad to find out another was on the way And hubby could do nothing about it